The government of the Philippines has announced today that they will rename the country Benipines from January 2015.
The current president of the Philippines, Benigno Aquino III, told the world’s media that the country’s current name is old-fashioned and does not reflect the island’s recent heritage. He claimed that the idea to name the country after someone called Philip is both dated and wrong, and that instead people would be asked to recognise the nation as Benipines, as Ben (short for Benigno) is a more common Filipino name in the 21st Century. The government has broadly backed this measure and will put the idea to a public vote on August 1st 2014.
One of the country’s most famous sports stars, boxer Manny Pacquiao, was unhappy at this decision. “I am most definitely in the ‘no’ corner here, this is a stupid idea. My fans don’t want to hear the announcer say that I am from Benipines! You can’t just change the name of a country willy-nilly. The president just thinks his name is better than King Philip II of Spain, but it’s clearly not. If I didn’t have such a cool name, I’d prefer to be called Philip.”
Julia Abad, the chief of staff for the current Philippines government, told us, “King Philip II died in 1598. That was so long ago I don’t think fax machines were even invented. I fully support Benigno in his quest to rename our beautiful country. Benipines is a very modern name for a country which will soon be the most powerful exporter of ‘Bonifacio Day Cards‘ in the world. We will also use the ever popular song ‘I Want a Dog’ by the Pet Shop Boys (click here to listen to the new anthem) as our new national anthem, which will show us as even more modern. To us, modern is the new ancient.”
Recently President Obama has had a good relationship with the Philippines, so he wanted to have his say: “We love democracy, so the government there will ask the people to decide. There is nothing fairer. I am proud of our friends, they are forward-thinking and this is a step in the right direction. I hope millions of people in the Philippines vote with their feet. Well, not their feet literally, more their hands – you can’t really tick a box effectively by holding a pen between your toes, that’s daft. I think the people of Benipines will vote in favour of this idea. I am looking forward to booking a return flight to Manila in the Benipines very soon.”